She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
