i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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