Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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