I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
