your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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