who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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