I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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