Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
