that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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