I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
