If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
