NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
