It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
