my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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