I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
