"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Randomize
