you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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