I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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