I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
