so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
