That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
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