so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
