Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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