i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
