I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
