I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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