I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
