Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
