I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
