She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
