I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
