Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
