The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
