Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
so let's talk penis.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
