So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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