I wish I only lived at night.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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