Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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