I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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