Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
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