i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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