at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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