I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
