Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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