dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
