Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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