Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
