Where did you get a picture of my penis
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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