do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
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