I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
so let's talk penis.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
