fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
