he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
