It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
