It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
