we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
The best revenge is premature balding
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
