You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
