Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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